Melania's f*cking Christmas decorations, ranked

We regret to inform Melania Trump that it is once again time to give a fuck about Christmas.

Excuse my foul language. I try not to swear, but I'm simply quoting America's first lady herself, who is — understandably — sick and tired of working her ass off to decorate the White House for Christmas while her husband's presidency goes up in flames.

Since December 2017, Melania has received the White House Christmas tree and later unveiled the residence's elaborate decorations, which she spends months planning. It's a tradition that's always seemed to bring the first lady joy, until it was revealed in October 2020 that she low-key hates the responsibility.

Audio tapes of Melania, which were secretly recorded in the summer of 2018 by her former friend and senior adviser Stephanie Winston Wolkoff, caught the first lady channeling her inner Grinch. In the recordings, which were aired during an October episode of CNN's Anderson Cooper 360, the first lady can be heard saying, "I'm working ... my ass off on the Christmas stuff, that you know, who gives a fuck about the Christmas stuff and decorations? But I need to do it, right?"

"OK, and then I do it and I say that I'm working on Christmas and planning for the Christmas and they said, 'Oh, what about the children that they were separated?' Give me a fucking break," Melania continued.

All of this is to say that despite Melania's hatred for fucking decorating, Christmas is fucking approaching again — the nerve! So this year, in honor of Melania's final White House Christmas, we revisited the past decorations that gave her so much grief.

Here are four years of Melania's fucking Christmas decorations, ranked from Be Worst to Be Best.

4. The blood trees of 2018

There's no doubt about it: The worst Christmas decorations of the Trump White House were the blood trees of 2018. Many of you have likely blocked out the memory, but that year the halls were decked in large blood red cones that looked like they were plucked straight out of The Shining.

The decoration theme for 2018 was "American Treasures" and the goal was allegedly to "honor the unique heritage of America," but I think that got a bit lost in translation among the towering trees that looked like Handmaid's Tale capes, a casual bowl of artichokes, and other confusing "Be Best" decorations.

While some rooms were charming, people simply couldn't recover from the cursed image of Melania walking through that threatening red hall.

This Tweet is currently unavailable. It might be loading or has been removed.

The red trees were so heavily criticized that Melania even had to publicly come to their defense.

"We are in 21st century and everybody has a different taste," Melania said during an appearance at Liberty University. "I think they look fantastic."

3. The final effing 2020 effort

The highly anticipated 2020 White House decorations were revealed on Nov. 30, and you know what? They're not as bad as they could have and should have been.

I was secretly hoping that Melania would use this final unveiling to truly express herself and her inner "who gives a fuck about the Christmas stuff" spirit. She could have gone OFF with fully black decor or perhaps dedicated a room to that sorry little Charlie Brown tree and that hideous leg lamp from A Christmas Story, but no. She did her best to keep things normal.

Melania's 2020 decorations embody the theme "America the Beautiful" and feature a tree filled with ornaments dedicated to children around the country, which is nice. The color scheme is red and black, which I wholeheartedly believe is the first lady's attempt at emo decorations, and the blood red tree hall of 2018 is now lined with large plants in black pots. It's a pretty depressing and not very Christmas-y hall if you ask me, but it doesn't look like a horror movie this time, which is a plus.

It's crucial to note that the glittery, fake snow-covered hospital decoration that received a close-up in this video, is deeply insulting (considering the fact that Trump administration has not taken the coronavirus seriously and as a result America now has more than 265,000 related deaths). Ultimately though, Melania sucking it up and organizing the decorations one last time when we all know she hates it deserves the smallest bit of credit. So 2020 is not ranked last.

2. The "hell on Earth" hall of 2017

The potted plants are not great, but let's talk about how spooky that blood tree hall was decorated back in 2017.

In 2017, Melania chose to line the walls with towering bunches of white twigs. While the branches weren't quite as terrifying as the red cones that succeeded them, they were definitely a bold move. In her defense, the bare trees were gorgeous during the daylight, and the whole White Christmas theme she had going was pretty classy. But at night, when the White House lights dimmed and spotlights illuminated the hall, the trees unfortunately took on big Nightmare Before Christmas vibes.

This Tweet is currently unavailable. It might be loading or has been removed.

Melania's official 2017 decoration theme was "Time-Honored Traditions." And while she set out to "pay respect to 200 years of holiday traditions at the White House," she ended up creating a hall that looked like it was straight out of Malfoy Manor.

1. Christmas in July, 2019

No matter how good Melania's 2020 Christmas decorations were, they were never going to top the 2019 decorations in my mind. Why? Because the 2019 decorations are the ones Melania chose to tweet about on JULY 24, while the American people were glued to their television screens watching former special counsel Robert Mueller's first hearing on Capitol Hill.

This Tweet is currently unavailable. It might be loading or has been removed.

Melania's decision to fire off a Christmas in July tweet about decorations — in attempt to distract the country from hating on her family or show that she simply didn't care about her husband enough to watch the Mueller drama unfold — was honestly such a flex.

The official 2019 theme was "The Spirit of America," and you know what? The decorations looked pretty darn good. It seems all those extra months of planning really made a difference.

Though there's no way of knowing how the Biden family will deck the halls in December 2021, one thing's for sure: Once Melania leaves, Christmas in the White House will never be the fucking same.

Related Video: Keegan-Michael Key, Phylicia Rashad, and Anika Noni Rose on representation in holiday films