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When i try to connnect to a local IP everything goes wonderfully but as soon as i use a normal ip, like to connect to a friend of mine outside the lan it just doesn't work

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    "It just doesn't work" isn't very informative. What happens? Commented May 17, 2010 at 9:58
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    Almost certainly firewall related, but your lack of clarity makes me reluctant to post this as an answer. Commented May 17, 2010 at 9:59

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It's most likely a combination of firewall and port forwarding. In addition to opening up ports on your firewall, you'll need to forward these ports on your friend's router. PortForward.com is a decent resource if you're unfamiliar with port forwarding.

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One other thing to check: make sure you're connecting to your friend's public IP address and not his private one. Visit whatismyip.org from your friend's computer to verify his public IP. Also note that many ISPs change the public IP on a regular basis (mine does every day).
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My first guess would be that you may be running into a firewall issue - is there a firewall operating between you and your friend? If so, do you have exceptions for it?

I suggest you use Wireshark to analyse what's happening at the network level.

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"No connection could be made because the target machine actively refused it IP:PORT" is the error
@oidfrosty: That sounds like it's either a firewall issue, or you're not running the relevant app on the target machine.

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